what happened?

Wed, 19 Nov 08
Liam spends normal daddy-day with me. We meet Alice and Raquel in the park in the morning, then home for lunch, nap, and play in the afternoon. Papi comes home from work, feeds Liam dinner, play, and then takes Liam home to Katherine. Apt is empty except for air mattress and Liam’s bedroom.

Thurs, 20 Nov 08
Katherine meets me with Liam at 3pm on Lincoln Road. We meet at the large music-Starbucks. She tells me that she spoke with her attorney and that no matter what, she should not and will not sign any legal agreement regarding visitation with Liam. She feels I’ve lost trust in her and I remind her that this is nothing to do with trust—it is to secure Liam’s future time with his dads because we do not know what the future holds.

Katherine hands me her attorney’s card (Elizabeth) and tells me I can call her if I want. We agree to continue our discussions later. I kiss both Katherine and Liam good-bye and we depart about 45 minutes after we meet.

That evening, I text Katherine to ask if we can meet up either Friday or Saturday to continue our discussion. She texts me back and says Saturday morning.

I reply to Katherine via email and state that Saturday morning is fine.

Fri, 21 Nov 08
Katherine emails me and tells me she is no longer available to talk with me on Saturday, she is too busy and has plans made already. She tells me in email that she will get back to me some time next week to let me know when we can talk.

Sat, 22 Nov 08
I reply via email to Katherine’s email that “some time next week” is not sufficient and I ask her to pick a time on either the upcoming Monday or Tuesday, and to please let me know by Sunday night.

Sun, 23 Nov 08
Katherine emails me and tells me that we are no longer invited to Thanksgiving dinner with her and that now she was under the advise of an attorney. She cut off communication with me and tells me not to contact her as she will not respond. If I have anything for her, I was to contact her attorney.

Mon, 24 Nov 08
I retain Karyn as legal counsel and provide her with the information above. I ask her to contact Katherine and/or her attorney.

I sent this email to my family:
Good morning...I just wanted to give you all an update of events as I'm sure you may have heard various things from mom and dad or from me directly. Unfortunately, my relationship with Katherine has turned sour and we are facing a rough ride ahead. Katherine and Ana are moving to California (Ana is already there). I'm not happy with their decision, but I agreed to them moving and was willing to give Katherine full control of Liam EXCEPT that I wanted, in legal writing, my visitation rights defined (a set number of days per year that Liam would be with me). Katherine was willing to work on that with me, but refused to have anything legally written. She felt that I was not trusting her, even though I explained it has nothing to do with trust. If I didn't trust her, I wouldn't allow her to make all decisions for Liam without my input, or even leave the state. Simply put, I am trying to secure for Liam, the minimum amount of time per year that he gets to spend with his father. I explained this helps both families make plans as well as covers any unforseen issues that may happen in the future. Yesterday, Katherine cut off communication with me and reverted me to her attorney. This morning, I have to hire an attorney (one that I had sought counsel from earlier regarding my paternal rights) and hopefully we can resolve our issues in mediation, and not head towards litigation (which, as you can guess, is going to be costly).You may or may not agree or like how Liam came about in my life, but he is my son and I love him more than anyone or thing I could ever love. I want to do what is best for him and even though he is not in my life 24/7, I believe me remaining in his life is important for him. He is your nephew or grandson and I hope that no matter the relationship between his mother and me, that you will continue to treat him as your family. I'll keep you updated and will forward his new address when they do move. Katherine un-invited us to Thanksgiving dinner, so Craig and I will be with mom and dad for Thanksgiving. Love, Ray

Tues, 25 Nov 08
Karyn tried several times to contact both Katherine and her attorney. No calls were returned on Monday. Karyn runs into Elizabeth in her office and asks if she has been retained by Katherine. Elizabeth says she only had one consultation with Katherine and that she had NOT been retained.

Katherine lied to me and told me she had an attorney. She cut off all communication with me without having an attorney.

Katherine finally returns Karyn’s call and refuses to have any discussions with Karyn, only that she received Karyn’s calls and that once she retains counsel, she would have that person contact Karyn.

Craig drives by K&A’s apt to see if Katherine and Liam are still there. He sees her car in the parking lot, but does not go up to the condo.

Wed, 26 Nov 08
Under advice from counsel, I file a paternal action against Katherine and an emergency stop from travel until the issues are resolved. Karyn runs documents for judge’s signature and to give to court processor to serve Katherine the documents. I gave Karyn two addresses: K&A's apt and Katherine’s sister’s address because I believed Katherine would be at her sister’s house, as originally planned, for Thanksgiving.

Karyn tells me that the judge wants to see both Katherine and me in his court room on Monday, 1 Dec at 3pm to discuss why I think Katherine is a flight risk before he signs the emergency stop travel issue.

Mon, 1 Dec 08
Court hearing at 3pm. Alice and Craig attend as witnesses to Liam’s time spent with me.

Tues, 2 Dec 08
Sent this email to my family:
Hi, just wanted to update you all.... Yesterday we had a hearing at the court. Good news and bad news. The bad news is that Katherine left Florida and is in San Diego (Carlsbad) with Liam. I found out that she left immediately after seeing me on Thursday, 20 Nov, when we met to talk about issues/parenting, etc. She wasn't supposed to leave until 31 Dec. I had no idea when I kissed both her and Liam good-bye that evening that she was leaving. Good news:--the judge made my claim to be Liam's parent/father legal (in Florida, just because your name is on the birth certificate, does not automatically make you the legal parent of the child)--the judge verified and claimed jurisdiction over our case--Katherine can not take it through another jurisdiction--the judge told Katherine's California attorney that she needed FL representation and that she had to comply with FL statues regarding removing a minor from the state, away from legal parents (this allows me to contest her moving, and/or allow me to enforce certain guidelines/rules regarding custody and visitation)--the judge ruled that Katherine was properly served her litigation notice; her sister accepted the summons and did not indicate Katherine was out of the state (we actually had the court processor sworn in for testamony)--this means Katherine has to reply to the summons in 20 days of being served So at least now we are on a time line and she knows I'm serious and will not simply "go away." Hopefully she will be advised the best thing is to work it out through mediation because if we have to litigate, it will be very costly (already is). I'm angry at her for leaving without any notice to me or allowing Craig and I, mom & dad, to say good-bye to Liam. She doesn't have to come back to FL yet, but if we go into litigation, she will have to and will have to bring Liam back, which is when I will ask for full custody until our issues are resolved. So for now, the worst part is the waiting and not being able to see Liam. Unfortunately, it is simply lost time. I still believe we can resolve this properly but I've already accomplished the most important issue, which is being Liam's legal parent. Will keep you updated. Thank you all for your support--it means so much to both Craig and me. Love, R


10 Dec 08
I sent Liam a Christmas card to the address that Ana gave us. I’m not sure if they even showed it to Liam or told him about it.

24 Dec 08
We tried calling Liam. Craig sent an email to both Ana and Katherine asking that we web cam or at least speak with Liam on Christmas day. Craig even told them when we would be at Oma and Opa’s house so they can speak with him too. No response.

25 Dec 08
Craig sent a text to Ana and Katherine again requesting a phone call with Liam. He even called and left a voicemail on Katherine’s phone. No reply from either of them.


January update email:

Just wanted to give you all an update. Please do not share this with mom and dad as they have been worrying and I'm trying to keep it as light as possible with them--just telling them we're in the court system and things take long, etc. It's become worse than I could have imagined. Katherine filed a counter and now is stating that I have no paternal rights, that she is the sole parent of Liam. Unfortunately, I do not have a written contract with her--my horrible mistake--and only verbal--so my word against hers. I have kept all correspondence but nothing specifically addresses raising Liam. Hopefully the psychiatrist we used will back me up, that we agreed we were going to co-parent Liam, just that his primary residence would be with her but that I would be an actively involved father. All the documentation, evidence, actions, witnesses we have from his birth forward demonstrates and verifies that I am the father--that is not in question. However, the issue, according to my attorney, is what the courts will decide based on PRIOR to Liam's birth...if I, along with Katherine, "commissioned" the pregnancy or not. Katherine is stating that I am merely the donor. There is a Florida Statue that specifies a donor does NOT have any parental rights. That is what she is basing her case on. I did pay for portions of the IVF process, so that may help my case. My attorney feels like we have a good case, but that it will be a battle, long and costly. She said this is NEW case law in Florida and that whatever decision the judge makes, it will be significant and used for future cases. Of course either of us can appeal any decision made. I'm just hoping the court will see that it is in Liam's best interest to have access to both parents. I am not asking for physical custody of Liam, just legal custody which grants me visitation and makes me responsible for child support and such. This was my agreement with Katherine from the very beginning. We (Craig and I) think it came to this stage because in November, I told Katherine we had to have a plan in place in case anything happened to her. She told me that Ana would need all my help and support but I told her that if anything happened to her (Katherine), then I would want Liam with me. So now I believe her intent is to terminate any legal claim I may have on Liam so Ana can adopt him in California. So we're a bit stressed now to say the least. Craig has been amazing researching and my attorney friends Karen in Chicago and Chris in New York have been wonderful and as helpful as possible with legal terminology, issues, etc. This is the first time I've felt doubtful about the outcome now. There is a good chance I may lose Liam, which is beyond anything I ever imagined. It is my fault for not dotting my I's and crossing my T's--and for merely going on trust. I'll keep you updated. The next step is that my attorney is researching and trying to find any case law that will help us. Then we have to decide if we continue or not. If you have any questions, feel free to call me. Thank you all for your support. xo, R & C


28 January 2009 update email:
Hello everyone, I finally have some news. The court date has been set for 31 March at 9:30am. I'm disappointed it is two months away, but my attorney said that was the earliest we could get a full session--scheduling a hearing for 4 hours with a judge is difficult (imagine that, my case is not the only one in the world!). This hearing will be for the judge to determine whether or not I am the LEGAL parent of Liam. Katherine is stating that I am not, that she is the sole legal caretaker of Liam. We'll have witnesses (including a therapist who is testifying on my behalf, of issues we discussed prior to invitro-fertilization, etc). The outcome of this hearing will determine what follows. This is the major issue/battle. So for now, my attorney will be preparing the case, collecting all documents, photos, and such, as well as working with me and specific witnesses. Unfortunately, by the time the hearing comes, it will have been 4 months since we've seen Liam. I've asked my attorney to seek permission from the judge to enforce and have contact with Liam prior to the hearing, but I'm still waiting for that answer. Will keep you all updated. Thank you all again for all your support. Love, R & C

Early March update email:
Here's the latest update. (Please don't be afraid to ask any other questions or if something is unclear to you). Their attorney has been throwing as much as he can at us, hoping something will stick. What he is trying to avoid is our hearing on 31 March, which is a FACT-finding hearing where we have our witnesses and evidence, etc. We had a hearing on 26 Feb where their attorney objected for our request for contact with Liam and since it has been three months, the judge concurred and said in the best interest of the child, if he should rule in favor of the mom later, it is better not to re-introduce me to Liam only to pull me away again. I don't like it, but I understand why the judge said that. So now, the next hurdle is 25 March at 11am. It is a "summary judgement" hearing. Basically, their attorney is using case law in Florida that states a "sperm donor" does not have any parental or legal rights over a child, and that, based solely on this law, the entire case should be thrown out, and all of my rights terminated. Several things: this case law is the only case in the state of Florida and it is not even in our district. However, all of this is new law / territory so the judge has to be cautious and careful. He may not want to rule in my favor in fear of being over-ruled by any appellate court decision, in case of an appeal, or tarnishing his reputation in this new field of law in Florida. My attorney has to show the judge that the case law used is not relevant in our situation; that I am not a "sperm donor" but part of a "commissioning couple" which is defined in Florida statue as a "man and woman who intend to be the father and mother of a child (abbreaviated definitiion--by Florida Law Ana is not even considered)." The issue is what was agreed to BEFORE conception. Nothing after-the-fact is being argued or presented. If they can win on this case law alone, then I will not be Liam's legal parent. If the judge agrees with my attorney that this case law is too unclear and not black & white, then we will continue and move on to the EVIDENTIARY HEARING on 31 Mar. If we can get to the 31 Mar hearing, I'm confident we can / will win the case as Liam's legal parent. Regarding the summary judgement hearing on 25 Mar, I'm a bit nervous. So please keep us in your thoughts and prayers on the 25th and hope that on this day, that the judge rules in our favor. Your support has been wonderful--thank you.love, R

25 March email update:
We had the Motion for Summary Judgment today. What was supposed to be a half hour ended up being much longer. As of right now, the judge has not made a decision. He decided that he wanted to review everything that was presented to him, including the hearing transcript, and then he would get back to us regarding his decision to either grant (bad for us) Summary Judgment or deny (good for us). This could take several weeks, if not longer. So next week's evidentiary hearing on 31 March is not going to happen on 31 March. Hopefully it will happen, but it depends on today's ruling. The judge did say that he wanted to review everything presented today (our case and all Memorandum of Law outlines submitted by both attorneys of other states' cases) because for Florida, he knows his decision will be new law. He is conservative and new in family law, so he is being extremely cautious. Most likely, he is going to seek input from other judges. Now this has become more political than it is about Liam. My attorney thinks he could very well be gun-shy and grant Summary Judgement (bad for us), not because he thinks it is right, but because he doesn't want to re-write existing law or create new ones. In that instance, we would have to appeal and District Court would review and rule on the case, thereby "writing law." This can go either way. Craig and I feel beat up--the system is political and not necessarily doing what is "right." We haven't lost yet, just that we are still in limbo. Meanwhile, time goes by without any contact with Liam. As soon as we hear something, we'll let you know. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you so much for all the emails, phone calls, and support that you've given us--it has helped us more than you know and kept us focused on doing what is right for Liam. If you have any questions or if something is not clear, don't be afraid to ask. Please continue to keep us in your thoughts. Much love, R & C

23 April 2009
Still no word. Everyone keeps emailing or calling or texting to see if we have heard anything regarding the summary judgement, but nothing. My attorney says to be patient, that we simply need to wait and not put pressure on the judge. Either way, if the judge does not rule in our favour, we are going to appeal. If he does rule in our favour, it will probably be another month or even two before we have an evidentiary hearing.

I hate this. More and more time away from Liam. Who knows what A&K are telling him about us, if anything. We are missing so much of his growth and development. So many are pulling for us but sometimes I feel the system is not about Liam, Katherine, or me. It is being dragged out and facing a court system that is over-loaded and now other peoples reputations and political stances are at play. It feels like the system does not care about the child’s best interest. Meanwhile, we all are spending money we don’t have and money that should be saved for Liam’s future.