hard, harder, hardest

Liam's first birthday--100 cupcakes (made by Craig and me) and opening gifts with Emilio and Dominik.

Liam's second birthday--an airport with planes (also made by Craig and me); inspired by his fascination with airplanes and airports; and carrying his "birthday bag" filled with gifts from his daddies.

hard

Can you imagine having a child and NOT being able to see the wonder in his eyes as you bring out his birthday cake? That’s what Craig and I experienced yesterday—not being a part of Liam’s 3rd birthday. Of course the pain was not felt by just us. Aunts, uncles, cousins and friends—all who rightfully are connected to Liam could not share in the joy in his growth and becoming a “boy.” I can’t even imagine the pain Liam’s grandparents (Oma & Opa, my parents) felt by not being able to shower their grandson with kisses, hugs, and everything a grandparent is meant to do for their grandchildren. Simply stated, we miss him terribly.

harder

The Judge came out with a written order last week, prior to any hearing and our appointed court time that was supposed to be on 14 Aug. He is standing by his previous decision which he made on 5 Jun (see the blog entry: Stunned). Not only were we shocked, but so were our attorneys. When I first heard the news and read the document, I literally became ill and could not get out of bed. It felt like the Judge nailed a coffin shut and threw the dirt on it. My attorneys told me that the order was extremely unusual—instead of being a statement of decision, it was a personal narrative. Remember, the Judge initially terminated my paternal rights by Summary Judgment, believing he was following a Statute without the need to investigate or look at specific facts related to all of us. Our motion was simply to request a hearing—due process of law. Our attorneys made that request, submitting affidavits and other information which the Judge had not seen prior to making his initial decision. Instead, his new narrative became a defense of his earlier decision, using bits and pieces of the affidavits to support him as fact/testimony, rather than delving deeper into the issues at hand, including serving Liam’s best interest.

I can’t get into the Judge’s head or understand how he could make a decision to separate a father and a son when there is no reason to do so. Never was there an issue as to where Liam would live, or with whom, rather, it was simply to preserve the father-son relationship, just as every Family Court tries to do whenever there are family issues that cannot be resolved between parents. Yes, our family is not traditional by any means, but the Court needs to adapt and keep true to the spirit of what the law was meant to protect, the best interest of the child—something I think our Judge either did not want to handle or could not handle.

As shocked and upset and emotionally drained as our attorneys were, after reading through the Judge’s decision and now looking at how unusual our case has become, they feel we are in a better position than we were on 5 Jun. This is a precedent setting case for the State of Florida. Craig and I understand much better how complex our legal system really is. What is black and white to you and me is not necessarily so in the eyes of written law.

Mr Gerald Kornreich, our lead attorney, rightfully stated that had we gone to an appeal immediately after the 5 Jun decision, we would have lost without a doubt because there was nothing in our case file. Unfortunately, our previous representation did not build a case and had placed all eggs in one basket—which obviously didn’t work. Mr Kornreich and his team (Claudia and Marcella) worked wonders (especially in a legal time-frame) and filed what should have been filed 10 months ago. Now, armed with Mr Kornreich’s work and the Judge’s unusual narrative without ever giving us a right to a trial (or even simply ordering us all to go into mediation), our lead appellate attorney, Ms Patricia Dempsey, has what she needs to go to the District Court of Appeals (DCA) and present our case.

hardest

Having said all of that, it doesn’t make it any easier for any of us. The appeals process is lengthy, costly, and our part is very small, if anything. If accepted by the DCA, it becomes a legal discussion between three Appellate Judges and the attorneys. It’s been 9 months since we last saw Liam, and it could very well be another 10 months before any decision is made. Dr Firpi has already stated how the prolonged separation is detrimental to Liam’s development and that the longer it is, the more difficult reunification will be.

So the hardest part is knowing what Liam has been denied by the Judge and his mothers:
--his father, someone who his mothers asked to BE Liam’s father, to be involved in Liam’s life
--family—his only living grandparents, as well as aunts & uncles & cousins
--friends who are family to us; people who can offer Liam love, support, wisdom, experience, and opportunities beyond imagination

And the waiting……the need to live and nurture our daily lives/relationships, and not simply carry on feeling the 250 pound gorilla in the room, knowing that Liam is growing without us.

The bottom line is that this is not over. It is heavy for all of us—my parents, my family, my friends, my attorneys, and so much so, my partner, Craig. I am so sorry that all of you have to share in my burden but know I could not do this alone. I could not remain strong without your love and support. I need you all, so I can be there for Liam, to give him what is rightfully his—a father who loves and supports him. I brought him into this world, willingly, with his mothers with full intent of being his father. My parents raised me to be accountable to my actions and responsibilities. So even if it comes down to us not being reunited with Liam until he is a young adult, I will be there. Even if the legal system does not work in preserving our relationship, I know one day Liam will search for me.